I’m reposting this as part of my Advice You Didn’t Ask For series. It helps me out a lot in my life and I think it will help you. Anything to reduce stress is a good thing.
A big item in my life is stress and how to deal with it. I have come across an interesting theory which I will now share with you.
Stress can be defined as the difference between the demands put on yourself (from your own sources, outside sources, perceived, real, whatever) and your coping mechanisms (your support network, your health, your mental strength). When there is a big gap you will have big stress. Now comes the theory which I think is a wonderfully simple way of categorizing and sorting through your sources and reducing the overall effect.
Think of stress demands as a matrix; things you can and can’t change and things that are and are not important.
So write down all of the demands you have in your life, there will be a lot of them. This will help you kick off your journey to reducing stress. Write them ALL down, then use the above chart to categorize them. Once you have done this, use the following explanation to bring things into focus. It helped me a lot and it should help you.
Important? NO Control? NO – This is traffic on your drive to work. You can freak out, stress about being late but you need to IGNORE it. There is nothing you can do. Sit back and relax, life could be worse.
Result: IGNORE
Important? NO Control? YES – This is something small in your life… a dinner party or obligation that you have put on yourself. You need to say “NO!” You need to be able to tell yourself that it is okay to simply say no to something and let it go. You can’t be everywhere and do everything and some times it is the right thing to do by putting off low priority things until later or deligating them for your sanity.
Result: Say “NO!”
Important? YES Control? NO – This is your past. Is it important? Yes, but can you change it? NO way, you need to ACCEPT. Did the stock market just crash? Can you control it? You lost some money, now move on. Accept it. Worrying is like a rocking chair… it’s something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. And in terms of life, taking one thing off your stress plate is a big monkey off your back.
Result: ACCEPT
Important? YES Control? YES – These are the real things you need to focus on, and the key here is PRIORITIZE. Now with your new list you will be able to say what is more important to you. Friends and yourself MUST be on this list. They are big parts of your support network and your coping mechanisms. Some things need to get done yes, and focusing them to a nice clean list of accomplishable things will help you to bring some perspective to your world. You might say that if you spend time on one thing you will need to catch up on other things… this is not true. You need time for yourself to do the other things, so make yourself a priority, make loved ones a priority and get those things done that need your attention. For god sakes… please chill out, otherwise you’ll get high blood pressure, be grouchy and nobody will like you, you’ll stop sleeping and you will just generally be unhappy. So take it from one workaholic stress ball to another. Learn this chart and live by it.
Once you have sorted out the demands, you should feel a bit of weight off your back. You can now focus in the direction you need to be moving in and letting go of those things you shouldn’t sweat. Using this matrix in your everyday life decisions will also help you to reduce your stress levels on the day to day.
Try it! It helps me and I hope it helps you.